i drink electrolytes for breakfast

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 04:00:38 GMT

i feel really bad right now. i thought about everyone who was involved in my life and felt sick. i think i threw up in my mouth a little bit. then i thought about my brain deteriorating with all of the drugs i have been doing. i just got a call from my sister telling me it isnt cool if i hang around her house anymore. her roomates dont like me. i can understand why, but it still always hurts me to think that people dont like me. it makes me doubt myself. i have been doing a lot of that lately. i just feel like crying, but it seems physically impossible. i cant get my mind off of this thing about people not liking me. i did the drugs for this reason. now i feel like i cant function on them. why? why?! i ask. all i want to do is feel high! i dont want to reason. but lately when the high comes i think about why im so wierd.

all i want to do is be alone in my head to think about the things i dont want to say outloud. is that wierd to be shut in in such a way? thinking so hard it interferes with the way you act around people?
im happy when i am walking through the malll by myself, thinking about going into footlockers just so's i can watch the new black-eyed peas video. then i think about writing that thought down. and i just did.

i got really scared when my sister told me how i had annoyed her roomates.
bottom line: i hate myself.
but when i write it out it seems like an overreaction. lots of people like me and i have to remind myself of that. i can be nice and rilly fake. right now i wish i had that sims game so i could be supreme dictator for life. yeah.

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 05:07:04 GMT

hi.
im not happy with the new year.
on new year's eve i watched my frunds sit on the couch and watch tv. i kept reminding them that the new year was almost near and i would get stoned glances. 5 after 12 i made myself another drink and sat in the bathroom and listened to fireworks and my friends eventually came and got me out of the bathroom when they realised what was going on. then i had another drink. the night after i sat on some boy's lap and told him i was a virgin.
now i have a sore throat and i cant finish my book because i lost it. oops.

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 04:16:54 GMT

Virtual Pool, okay?

another thought I just had: I am an ignoramous monotone. Yeah, the worst kind. One love.

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 18:26:42 GMT

everyone is going to see shaun of the dead w/ out me. assholes.

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 05:22:05 GMT

twin-sex
let's have some.

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 11:24:38 GMT

Party w/ the hip kids.
p.s.
I was stood up by a drug dealer